Socker

(I wrote this in high school too.)

My name is Lily. I am five and I go to Corpus Christ School. That means the body of Christ but you’re not cursing if you say it with “school” attached. I like to play socker and sometimes I am even good at it when I kick the ball away from my goal. I don’t want to go into the field far away from my goal in case they try to kick the ball inside and also I don’t want to kick the ball inside my goal. Our uniforms are blue with blue spots that are dark. They are too big for us and the shin guards make my legs sweaty even though it’s April.

I have been going to school for a long time and I am wondering when it will be over. I don’t think it will be that much longer, because I want it to be over so I can write books. I want to write books for little children because I know what kind of books little children like to read because I like to read books. I wrote a story once and I drew a picture of a cow and it was fat like when you call somebody a fat cow. Someone said that once and it made me feel bad when I heard it because sometimes kids and cows can’t help it. My cow was fat but it’s okay and it had two big teeth so it could eat a lot and it lived on the Empire State Building because it had to hang its teeth over the edge and they still touched the ground because they were so big. I like to draw pictures too so I drew the cow and I can draw pictures when I write my books. I don’t remember what happened to the cow in the story because I wrote it when I was four and now I am five and that’s a whole hand. Cows don’t have hands because they don’t need forks for their grass they just eat it. Cows don’t play socker though and I play socker so I can’t be a fat cow.

My mommy said to me she was having a baby and maybe I would have a brother or sister. Her tummy got bigger and I thought she was gonna be a fat cow but now I saw her tummy and it is small again. She told me to put my ball away in the house and she was mad so I was scared. She was crying and I said okay I won’t play socker in the house, never again, because mommy was so sad. And she said come here and I didn’t want to because she was mad and wet but I did it cause she told me to. She said honey I’m sorry but you’re not gonna have a brother or sister. She was crying and I was scared to ask why but I did because if I was gonna be a big brother or sister then I am supposed to be brave so I asked why are you crying and she said it’s nothing. I think nothing is what is in her tummy now instead of a baby because she said the baby is gone and daddy is gonna be sad. I wonder when daddy will be sad because mommy is already sad so maybe they have to take turns like when they take me to socker.

Daddy came home and he didn’t cry but he didn’t get happy either. I told them it’s okay I don’t want to be a big brother or sister and they looked at me and I got scared but then they smiled and they hugged me and mommy was still wet so I was double wet. They hugged me and they didn’t let go and I wondered when are they gonna let go until they squeezed too hard and I dropped my socker ball and then I looked at them and they weren’t smiling anymore and I cried. I promised not to play socker in the house anymore and I dropped it by accident like the baby dropped by accident out of mommy’s tummy, and I was sorry because kids don’t know how to be adults and they make mistakes. I didn’t want to be a liar so I picked up the ball and gave it to mommy and I said I don’t want it anymore.

They stopped hugging me so I went to my room and I tried not to play, but then in my room there’s only toys and clothing and I don’t like dressing myself so I used my toys. And there was a princess and a prince in a castle and I let them play there because I don’t want the princess to be far away because I don’t like it in books when bad things happen. I don’t want the prince to go rescue the princess. When I write books for children I don’t think I’m gonna put in any bad parts because instead I want to put in just happy parts like Saturdays, because there’s no school ever on Saturday.

I had dinner after I played and I didn’t want my vegetables and I wanted peanut butter but I didn’t say anything to mommy because nobody was talking so I don’t think I was supposed to talk. I think maybe everyone was in a time out. My potatoes were drooping on my corn like elephant ears like in the movie where his ears are too big but the mommy doesn’t care. I saw that movie and I asked my mommy why people don’t like the elephant. She said because it’s different and I said am I different and she said I Love You.

After dinner I watched the elephant movie and my mommy and daddy were there but I turned around again and they were gone so I got scared. I looked into their room and I saw my mommy and she had my socker ball and she put it in her shirt and she was crying. I felt something and my teacher says it’s called shame. I ran in and said mommy I promise I’ll never play socker ever again and when she saw me she took the ball out of her shirt and told me I can play socker every day if I want. And I said I don’t want to play socker if it makes her sad and she said I make her happy every day. I told her I want to play socker then because I like socker, but I told her she can borrow my ball again if she wants to keep using it even though you’re not supposed to put it in your shirt, you’re supposed to kick it but only outside of the house. She gave me the ball and she said it’s mine to keep and don’t lose it and never lose it and if I lose it it’s okay because I have my mommy and daddy and they could buy me a new ball if I want.

I want to find a baby for them because they lost my brother or sister and I think maybe I can find one at the park but all of those are taken. I think if I took a baby then the parents would be sad like my mommy and daddy. So I can’t take another baby. I go to my room and find my dolly and it’s my favorite because the clothes come on and off and when it lays down the eyes close and they are blue like mine. I wrap it in a blanket and I bring it to my mommy and I tell her I can’t find any real babies but this baby doesn’t cry so maybe it’s okay. She says thank you and takes my dolly and puts it down and takes me and holds me and cries again. I want to cry too and I don’t know why.